Wednesday, May 30, 2012

BIG announcement!!

I  wasn't sure  when I was going  to make this  news "blog official" haha, but  I have no new  pictures today so I figured today was as good as any :-)  And no, it's not  what  you're all thinking!!! Actually, quite the opposite.

We've decided to be a "two and through" family--no more babies for me!

We  look too  cute  as it  is :-)



Yes, it's actually somewhat  surprising to me too LOL. I  know that  the size of your family  is a very personal decision for everyone, and no two people are going to make the  decision the same way, but I've been thinking about this 24-7 for months now and I  thought it  might help people to hear how I made my own decision--so on to the rambling hehe. (Be  warned, it's a long post!)

Before  I  had  kids  I imagined having 4 of my own. I  have always loved  kids and just  thought a large  family  sounded fun! But  then I  met  Lee  and he wanted only  two. I  thought that  sounded horribly small so we settled  on three.

After having Raya  I  realized that  4  sounded like quite  a chore! ...and I was  quite  happy with our decision to have 3. Lee still  wasn't  sure  about  3 and every time we'd be dealing  with a fussy baby he'd say "and  you want *3* of these?!"....but I was  still sure!

Then we had  Brielle 19 months later.  I  always envisioned us with kids  close together  in age, for many  reasons. And although it was a ton of work, I'm still extremely glad  that Raya and Brielle are 19 months apart.

And then Brielle hit 1 year old in January.  And  since we had  gotten pregnant with  Brielle when Raya was about 11 months old Brielle's  first birthday  signaled that  it was about time for baby #3. But every time I thought  about having another it  just  did not  sound  like fun at all. I  told myself "just  get it  over with" and  then it'll be fine. For a couple  months we  went  back and forth, various things changed our  mind from one minute to the next, and I was completely unsure.  Then about  a month  ago it just  hit me. I  don't want another baby.  Ever.

I never  would have  guessed this  about myself 3 years ago. But I think  that this is  something that often  just hits you--and  you *know*.

I will  say, we  are not to the point to do anything permanant. If  something horrible happened (death, divorce, etc.) I  wouldn't want either of us to be of child bearing  age, but not  have  the option to have more kids. And although I feel  about 99% sure I am completely happy  with 2 kids, there's always that  slim chance  that I'll  change  my mind I guess....and I'm only  30  so I  technically still  have a few child  bearing years left lol. A woman always reserves the right  to change her  mind!!! (But  I'm sure  enough to start selling  off my baby gear and  clothes--so  that  says  a lot :-)

Ok, so now  here are my top reasons for excitedly ending with  2 munchkins :

1) I don't  want to be pregnant again. I  know there are people who love  being pregnant---and great for you (I  hate  you all by the way :-) ....but  I am definitely not  one of them.  I  am sick/puking for the first 18-20weeks and even after I start to feel  better I  still obsessively worry the entire  pregnancy. I can never relax and I find pregnancy very stressful. I  am not  at all  sad  by the  thought  of never  being pregnant  again.  I  will not miss it.

2) I'm  "over" the baby  stage. Now first  let  me say that I  LOVED my babies.  I  love baby snuggles, I love dressing up babies, taking their pictures, seeing them  learn  new  stuff, etc. But  I  never had what  I'd call  an "easy" baby. Mine tend to be a little  high maintanance. And when I think about the baby stage I  do wish  that  I could go back  and  have *one day* here and there with my babies....one day  of cuddles and snuggles :-) But I'm not  new to this  game. I  know how you spend 90% of your  time with babies. In my memories the  cute cuddly  baby snuggles  are often overshadowed by diaper blowouts, sleepless nights (mine never slept through  the night until 6-8 months!), constantly sitting (for hours and  hours) on the couch  breastfeeding, not being able to leave  the house because  it was a constant struggle  planning around  naps and feedings, etc.  I don't  miss any of that. And while I could devote all  of my time to those  baby needs with  my first, by the time I had Brielle they all seemed more annoying and  inconvienent because  it got in the way of what  I wanted  to do with Raya.

I  know I will miss not having another baby. But I  don't  miss the  work that comes  with them---and I know that no matter  how  many  babies  I have I  will  always be sad to see the last  one grow up. It wouldn't matter if  I had two or ten....it's always a little sad to close  the book  on an era so to speak. But  bye bye nursing and sleepless  nights and carrying that stupid  little carseat around that  I  swear to god weighs 50 lbs :-P

3) I  don't  want  a boy. And I know I joke  about  boy  clothes and  toys being boring, but that's all  in good  fun :-) I love my nephews, I think little boys are sweet. If I  ever had a boy  I  know I'd 100% love  him to death. But that  said, I  have two girls. I think once  you have one gender (two of the same gender  especially) it's just overwhelming to start over with something new. I don't want  to buy boy  toys, I don't  want to buy boy  clothes, I don't want  to plan vacations and family activities around what girls *and* boys want to do.....our life is perfectly set up for little girls and I like it that way.  I don't long for  a boy and when I think about having one I  just  feel  like it would mess up our family  dynamic. Plus,  I'd have  to change the name  of my blog---which is totally a valid reason for not wanting  a boy hehe.

Don't  get me wrong, I know that no matter what  you have--1 kid, 5 kids---all boys, all  girls, some of each---you will  *always* say you love  it and can't  imagine  your  life any differently. That's just  how  it  goes :-) So if tomorrow I found  out I was having  triplets, having a boy, etc. I  don't think my life would be over  haha---I'm  just  saying that I honestly  like  our family dynamic the way  it is. When you see perfection you just know  it---and why try to improve on perfection? :-P

4) Finances. We are blessed that  we can afford more  children. I know we can feed, clothe, and care for more.  But  certainly the  more  kids  you have the  more  expensive things get.  Prom dresses? Weddings? College? ....We'll be able to give  our girls *more* now  with only  two than we would if  we had  three. Would my girls be traumatized if I  could only  buy a $50 prom dress instead of a $100 one? No. Will I  enjoy being able to give them lots of "extras" ? Yes.

5) 4 is the magic  number.  Much of the world  just  seems built  for a family of 4. Seating at a restaraunt.....hotel rooms....cars...etc. A lot of things are just  a little bit  easier for a family of 4. (But i'm not giving up my  van just  yet---Love those  automatic doors no matter how  many  kids I have! :-)

6) Medical  Thankfully I don't have  it bad like  many people with  rhuematoid arthritis.  I  could  have another if I wanted. *But*, my symptoms have not gotten under control very easily  since  having  Brielle. At some point  I  just  think my body wants  to be done with carrying babies around, lugging baby stuff, etc. Plus, arthritis is a lifelong condition.  Most  likely it  will  continuously  get worse with  age. As it is now I  will  be about 47 years  old  when Brielle graduates high school. I  like the idea of being in my  40s when the babies  leave  the nest--still young enough to enjoy some empty nest years---especially  since  I don't predict I'll  be  one  of those  70 year olds still  frolicking around without a care  haha. I'll  probably be  a 70 year old with knee replacements and a walker :-/

7) Work I've  never had  any  intention of being a SAHM forever. I  would love  to go  to work part time  and do Etsy the  other  part  of the time. We'll  see how that all  plays out. But  the fact is that  my license needs to be renewed in about 2ish  years...I'll  need to take some classes/credit hours and  such and I can't  say that doing all  of that with a new baby at home sounds fun.  But  letting  my license expire, even if I don't  go back  to school  psychology, doesn't  sound smart either.

8) A  big  age  gap is not  for me. I  realize many people love larger age gaps.  It's just  not  for me. I  like the  idea of taking my girls to Disneyworld soon for instance. If we have a 3rd , even if we have one fairly  soon, there would be about 5 years  between Raya and the baby.  If I waited  a couple years to get pregnant there'd be even longer. With that  sort of age gap I just think it'll be harder  to plan vacations and activities that all the  kids enjoy.

9) I  want our house back.  I'm so excited to  sell  baby gear and clothes and get  it the heck  out of our house! :-)

10) I want  my "me" time back!  Once again I in no way  regret the kids I have.  I loved everything about them and their  "babyness" and  if I  didn't  have  any  kids right  now I'd be so excited for everything that I just  wrote about being  sick  of. I  looked forward to sleepless  nights and diapers and baby gear! But  like I said, everyone I think hits a point where they've  been there, done that....and now I'm excited for the next stage of our  life! Planning vacations like camping  trips and  boating, doing ballet classes and school and homework! ....having girl  time and getting nails  done....sleeping  in because I can tell  the girls  to go watch tv until  I'm ready to get up :-) ....running errands in half the time because they  can hop into  their own seats and buckle up.

...and  I"m no Michelle Duggar. I'm  sorry, but  how do people with huge  families do it?! When  I'm helping  Raya on the potty and turn around to see Brielle emptying the bathroom drawers of every.  single.  item. it simply  drives me crazy! lol.  Needless  to say I don't respond with "oh honey, now let's discuss  why that  was wrong and correct our  error in judgment by  carefully refolding the 50 washclothes mommy just spent  all morning washing." ...instead I can usually be  heard saying "Brielle!!! Get the heck  out of my drawer!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raya, hurry and a pee before your sister destroys the  house!  Oh god, I need a nap"  :-P


So I  appologize  for the long ramble, but  I wanted  to  document this  for the girls on the  blog (since  it's  their  baby book) and they will be able to see my reasoning for the decision---and also maybe help others who are struggling with the decision of how  many  kids to have themselves.

Any other  "two  and  through" readers out there?   ...and I will  still  be ooohing and ahhhing over all  the new babies as they fill  up my  blog list and facebook  page with announcements and cute baby pictures---don't worry! But just  know that I'm thinking "awww,  he/she is simply adorable! But  I'm glad it's *you* who's  taking him home and  not me"  :-)


Oh,  and wondering  what Lee thinks of all  this? Well,  he was surprised when I suddenly agreed with him on the 2 kids thing---I think he was sort of holding out that maybe he'd still  get a boy---but he was happy to "blame" me for the 3 kids when they'd all  be crazy and crying, or if  he got a 3rd girl haha. So I did tell him that if he really  really wanted a 3rd I would be open to it, but  he didn't haha. I think  if someone presented him with a boy  he'd probably accept, but he doesn't  want t he work of a 3rd child. (And if someone presented me with a 2 year old girl then *I * would probably accept..neither scenario is  likely  to happen!)

And now that I've made this  decision I"m certainly  going  to find out I'm expecting a "surprise" baby  next week or something LOL.

22 comments:

  1. Your reasons are great! It's good to see that you feel so "at peace" with your decision too. We thought we were done with two....and now we have four girls, so I think it's good to know FOR SURE! LOL

    Thanks for the great post!

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    1. Yes, I must say I have no idea how you do it with 4!!!! But if I could be guaranteed for *girls* I might have been tempted LOL ;-)

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  2. You had me at first with your title!!!

    I have to say, good for you for being able to say you are done. I honestly had a lot of these same reasons when we were debating if we were done or not, and now here we are with number 3 on the way! We now have the talk about how this is def. the last one. :) MH is ready to be done, not that he's not excited for this one, but like I said, we weren't sure if we wanted more. We were pretty content with our two little girls. :)

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    1. hehe...I figured I'd trick some people with my title ;-)

      Yes, I wish I could be ok with the thought of a 3rd down the road. For whatever reason my personality can't handle the indefinite "maybe" lol. I just really wanted to make a decision either way. But then again I had things like medical and work stuff that sort of put a little damper on the wait and see approach :-)

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  3. Well I cried while reading this, but I understand all your reasons, just know that if there is a surprise I absolutely love the baby stage and we live very close now!!!
    Love always,
    Grama F

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    1. You going to sleep over and get up at night with the surprise baby? haha ;-)

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  4. Just don't breast feed and he can sleep here!!!!
    Grama F

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    1. LOL. Sorry, I think your best bet is convincing john to reproduce again ;-)

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  5. We are two & through! And couldn't be happier. We always said we wanted two children. But then when we found out #2 was a girl I was afraid that hubby would want to try for a boy (especially since our very first baby was a boy). I was so thankful he said he was perfectly happy with two little girls. We waited until Ashby was 1 to do anything permanent. And even today, we are both 10000000% happy with our decision to only have two children & feel like our family of 4 is just perfect. Welcome to the two & through club! :)

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    1. hehe...yay fellow club member! :-) I'm glad to hear you're still happy with your decision.

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  6. Good for you! I'm happy you're happy with that decision. Always a hard one... even if you have 4 kids (from what I hear). I can empathize with you on the health thing. This RA is HARD! And, we wont be young and strong forever. It's definitely something to consider. And if you feel like your family is complete already, then that's all that matters. I know mine is complete too... best feeling ever!

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    1. It really is--- just making a decision (one way or the other) feels so good! I hate uncertainty haha.

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  7. Oh a girl after my own heart.

    I have this struggle alot... and recently too! I really want to be done. Just my two girls for the rest of my life... I'm totally ok with that! And the baby stage is so hard. And yes, toddlers are hard but it's just different I guess!

    Anyway, I haven't totally made up my mind but I think I'm right there with you girlfriend!

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    1. Well, when you have two adorable girls it's hard to risk messing that up, isn't it?! ;-)

      Toddlers are definitely hard...but I must say that the toddler/elementary school age is my favorite! And lord help us, no matter how many we have they will all one day become teenagers---at which point I think I'm going to crawl into a hole and stay there until they are about 20 :-P

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  8. Good for you for making a hard choice but all of your points make perfect sense. Your girls are adorable & seem happy to be with each other.

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    1. Thanks...yes every time you ask Raya if she wants a brother or another sister she says "no, I only love Brielle!" haha. I like the idea of staying with 2 so that there isn't an odd ball out kid too--they will be stuck with eachother and no other options hehe.

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  9. I'm with you. This is exactly where we are right now, and I finally got to the point where I am confident that I am done (I had a few months with SERIOUS doubts, there) but we are also not doing anything permanent about it yet.

    You're right- to each, his own, but we're happy with 4.

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    1. I've decided it must be normal to go through a period (however long) where you go back and forth one day to the next and just can't decide! It's so hard when curly little newborns look so dang cute (sleeping) haha. But yes, I think most people must just hit a point when they *know* ...kids are so much stinkin work lol

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  10. Tyler and I always said we wanted 4 kids. We're both starting to wonder about that now. Now that we're getting a boy, I think we could easily be done. We're definitely going to take a little break and then I guess we'll decide. You have so many great reasons to stop at 2.

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    1. I'll be interested to see what you guys decide eventually! The more you add it definitely starts to give you a reality check on the amount of work involved... Can't wait to ooh and ahh over pictures of your new cutie though :-)

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  11. I was not sure if we would be one and done or go for two. I am an only kid so it is my husband who wants two :)

    We decided to try for #2 but then we will be through! I cannot imagine more kids than that. My friend has three boys and her sister has four boys! They wil have very heavy testosterone houses in a few years during puberty!

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    1. Ha! I think that same thing about my girls. I can only imagine the drama *two* teenage girls will bring, I can't fathom the drama if we ended up with three! :-)

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